you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
