Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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