Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
