Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
