Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
