because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
