I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
