a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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