summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
