Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
