I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm getting married
To pizza
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
