Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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