Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
