Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
