so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
