Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
birth control should be required to get into college
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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