shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
