dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
