I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
