how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
