I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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