I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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