....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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