Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
