He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
