Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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