Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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