Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
