And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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