I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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