so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
