There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
