brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
