maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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