sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
