Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
