the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
