I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
