either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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