It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
