woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
