I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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