just come out here and I will go home with you...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
