i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
