So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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