shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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