I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
