we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
