Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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