he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
