i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Blood and glitter go together right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
