Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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